352: Carrying Mental Burdens in Business
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Summary
How is your mental health doing? It’s a new year, so it’s a great time to assess how you are doing. With so much anticipation for 2023, hopes remain high for booming business. However, busy business doesn’t mean a happy heart. Life happens, which impacts you and your ability to run your business. We break down a recent poll we ran, what it says about the state of the industry, and how we can move forward!
Main topic
Our poll
Personal life
Mental health
Keeping your boundaries
Main takeaway: Stay connected. Stay together. Stay strong.
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A VERY ROUGH TRANSCRIPT OF THE EPISODE
Provided by otter.ai
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
business, people, feelings, feel, life, pet sitters, business owners, pet, clients, run, reach, recognize, struggle, great, check, continue, associates, day, emotions, setting
SPEAKERS
Meghan, Collin
Meghan 00:01
Welcome to pet sitter confessional an open and honest discussion about life as a pet sitter, I
Collin 00:05
want to thank today's sponsor, pet sitter associates and our Patreon members for supporting the show financially every month, you can learn more about that by going to pet circle festival.com/support.
Meghan 00:16
It is the start of the new year. So we wanted to know how other pet sitters and dog walkers around the world are feeling. And so we asked on Facebook and on Instagram for people to do a mental health check in and the last time we actually did this was back when the pandemic first started in 2020. I think the last one we did was in May of 2020. So it's been a long time since then. A few episodes ago, we looked at 2023. And we saw that from the outside the industry is strong with a lot of growth, businesses are booming. And optimism is pretty high for a good year ahead. There's a lot of exciting things about expanding and what the pet service industry is going to look like. It seems like it's only going to go up from here.
Collin 01:05
But then people tell you how they're actually feeling. And you get a little bit of a different view of the industry. Because remember how a business looks from the outside to tells you nothing about how that owner is actually doing success and happiness are not the same things. And in a we get confused with him an awful lot of times you can be successful in business, and still struggle with your mental health. And just because somebody is on top of it today doesn't mean something can't change tomorrow. And so this mental health check in was really just an opportunity to sit and assess and go, How am I? How have things been going for me? Personally, where am I at right now. And this takes a little bit of being being honest, being vulnerable with yourself, allowing yourself to ask these questions, feel some of these emotions. And that can really only take place when you have a little bit of time and space. Because when we're hurried when we're rushed when we're frustrated, when we're rash when we're exhausted, we tend to not be able to do these kinds of self reflections very well. And we can still do them but they might not be as deep or as poignant as they are when we have just a little bit more time to take that in.
Meghan 02:17
And it can vary day to day you may be great one day and not good the next and then it's also hard to separate. Well, do I want to answer this question? For my business? Do I want to answer this question personally? Do what is there any separation between the two? How do I want to handle this question? And so we asked people to state how they're doing with six different categories. There was a red heart for I'm doing really great. An orange heart for I'm doing pretty good. A yellow for I'm doing okay, I guess a green for I'm starting to struggle. Blue for I'm having a really hard time and then purple of I need to reach out for support. And the results were actually pretty shocking.
Collin 02:57
Yeah, yeah, they were not what we expected just from again, these outside feelings that we were seeing and how people were talking about their businesses. 19% of respondents said that they were doing really great 30% This was actually the largest percentage 30% said I'm doing pretty good. Then there was another 19% With I'm doing okay, I guess 16% of respondents said I'm starting to struggle. 13% said I am having a really hard time and 3% said I need to reach out for support.
Meghan 03:27
So basically 68% of people said they're doing great or fine. And then 32% said, I'm not doing great, I really need help,
Collin 03:36
which is why this kind of thing really needs to take place more often not just at an industry wide standard, but just at a personal level. Because you may feel like you're busy, you may feel like things are going well with the business. But when you take a moment to check in with you, some of these things can come to life.
Meghan 03:52
It does make you aware of how people around you are doing it helps you know that you are not alone. We hammer on all the time about community and the need to be connected to other centers and other business owners. Because community ultimately brings validation to you your feelings, your emotions where you're at in life. Because running a small business is hard. Obviously, we all do it. But it's really hard. There isn't a lot of separation between our business and our personal life. There are these little things that impact you, you know, getting stopped at a red light or Collin almost got pulled over the other day I was fun. or forgetting a key to a client's house dropping your coffee when you get out the door. These little things that happen to us and they can sometimes build up and make our life pretty crummy on some days. And then there are life altering events that come out of nowhere like a possible cancer diagnosis or losing a best friend. You know, all the while we have this business to run and it depends on us. There are I think very few of us who are completely separated out of the business. We're all potentially doing day to day visits or have a manager in some capacity Three, but it can really feel draining
Collin 05:03
Yeah, we have to physically be there doing work, doing the visits, doing the admin making the calls, that's our responsibility. Like Megan, you said, even if we have a team, the clients, the staff depend on us for our leadership for our visions to be laid out. We're expected to perform pet care visits, rain or shine. And it even when it's thunder storming in our own life,
Meghan 05:24
when you are in those moments of feeling down in the dumps, and like everything is falling apart and not okay, you have to remember that the language that you use is super important. There can be times when we are not okay, that we just kind of want to sit there and sulk. And that is okay for a time. But then we need to move into more actionable steps of saying, Okay, this is where I'm at, I need to remind myself that it at the end of the day, it is going to be okay, I can have these feelings, these feelings are real, and they are okay. I need to now come out of the sulking phase and now move into the action phase. And we do that through the language that we use.
Collin 06:08
Well, in the intermediate stage there of the of the assault, assault gang. That's the That's That's our reaction to it. We're feeling our emotions in between that and action is acceptance. That's what we have to do, we have to accept that the situation we are in is the situation that we are in and stop fighting it with this language that you're talking about. of I don't like this, this is awful. This is no good. This is a very not not happy about this going on. Moving into this. Yes, this is where I am. Now, what do I do about that it is Thunder storming and raining in my life. I don't like that. Now I accept that the situation is happening. Now we start moving into this action of what do I do now, sometimes, we might not be able to do anything, which is very frustrating for us as entrepreneurs as business owners, because we are doers. We do things we create things, we manifest things in our lives, because we are constantly creating and working. And to recognize, I might not be able to do anything, I may need to continue to sit here to heal to feel these emotions. But that only happens after we felt the emotions, we accept where we are. And then we can move into either doing something, and whatever that looks like in our lives,
Meghan 07:26
and to remember to continue to use that positive language in our lives of basically building up ourselves of I am worth this, I will get through this. I am enough, I have value I am important. All of these things help our self confidence and our self worth to keep going day after day when things just are not okay. Yeah,
Collin 07:47
because you there will be moments where you don't believe that you don't want to believe that sometimes when we are feeling guilty, and we're feeling unsure about the future. But having those words, that's where this mindset work comes in is the self talk that we're going to give ourselves, we're not denying reality, right, we are speaking to a future that we are hoping for that we are looking forward to of the time when it will be okay. When this time has passed. When we are living for our future selves. At that point, we're going my current self is not very happy. What do I need to do for future self to make their life better, because that starts today.
Meghan 08:23
But we're also not saying to fake it until you make it because you need to sit with the feelings and sit with the reality. And then you can process it. And through that move on?
Collin 08:35
Well, that's where that action step comes in. Right? You only get to future self through action, you are only able to get there with action. But you have to start by envisioning where you're going, setting those goals, setting that vision as you you're an entrepreneur, that's what you do. Setting that vision and goal that you have for yourself. Now I can get action steps to get there and work through that only and this time, instead of focusing on our business, on our services on our whatever we're focusing on ourselves. And what that looks like for us. Many times, we're personally suffering but feel like we can't do anything about it. Because our business needs us. There's this there's this machine that needs to be fed that we need to be at the helm with running and continuing to fuel. So unfortunately, what happens here is that we as the business owners, we push everything aside and only focus on our work. And we bury those feelings bit by bit because we say that we say those words. I don't have time.
Meghan 09:30
I'm so busy. I need to be focusing on my business right now. And I will deal with my personal life later.
Collin 09:36
And the bad part is is that the personal life never gets addressed. And the responses that we heard from people helped put everything into some context here. So were people responding because they were worried about their businesses, to actually, in most cases, their businesses were doing too well and they couldn't keep up with the amount of growth and demand on their time. The majority of responses it for those 30% that 30 For 2%, were really focused around things like balancing full time care of their elderly parents, possible character cancer diagnoses, a failed IVF, recovering from COVID. And the lingering effects of that had. So really personal hardships, personal hardships that were coming up to the forefront. And we're pushing aside the business aspects of going my business baby doing well, maybe my best year outlook I've ever had. But now I've got these weighty things in my life that I have to deal with, that I have to deal with.
Meghan 10:33
And we realized that even though there were only 3% of people who responded with a purple heart that said, I really need to reach out for help, because I'm really struggling right now. There are also a large percentage of people who just wanted to suffer in silence and not have their name attached to a Purple Heart and didn't want to speak up. So check in with your friends, with your colleagues, with your fellow business owners check in with people because the people who need help the most may not actively seek out for it.
Collin 11:04
Yeah, so if you're doing really great right now, if you feel like you've got some space and time in your life, find someone to lean into reach out to them to lift up, be an encourager, go back to this post in our on our Facebook page, find somebody and reach out to them, send them a DM and let them know that you're there rooting for them. That word encourager actually is a word that came up at our retreat last year, where we sat down, we broke down out all of our roles, and how we filled them. And this one came up quite a bit among people who are there. It's about encouraging people who are around you taking on this role of I want to help lift other people up, whether that's my staff, whether it's other business owners, maybe it's people in my family, maybe it's my clients, and even if you aren't sure what to say, or respond with just being there, letting them know that you see them, you see them for where they are, and yet you're still there. That is an encouragement.
Meghan 12:03
And if you are one of those purple hearts, who didn't want to speak up, but really needs help, you do have people around you that are rooting for you that want to get connected with you and try to help you out whether it's a phone call, or just a text message. So it is important to reach out to other people because you are not alone.
Collin 12:23
Yeah, we're not all doing amazing all of the time. Really making it through life in business is a group effort to make it through that and to be successful. Being a solopreneur doesn't mean you're alone.
Meghan 12:37
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Collin 13:22
is we have to be honest and recognize that everything can change on a dime, all the knowledge, all the training, all the protocols, all the coaching in the world are useless unless you are okay. This is something that I've been reflecting on pretty much all day and for a little bit while now about how unless we are okay. It doesn't matter if we take another course doesn't matter if we do another marketing push it doesn't matter if we hone out our hiring protocols and our SOPs there. If we are not okay at the end of the day, if we do this mental check in and we aren't needing help. That is where we should reach first, not try and cover up the pain, the frustration, the anguish, the tears with another shiny SOP with implementing lockboxes with another policy in our business.
Meghan 14:13
Because that's not healthy. We have to remember that it's not selfish to look after you. Because if you are not okay then your business will likely not be okay either. Because we are so intricately tied to our businesses. You have to remember that you are important you matter you have value and you need to take care of yourself it's like you know we talked about with when you get on a plane they always say put on your oxygen mask first so that you can be of help to somebody else because you're not gonna be able to save them if you don't save yourself first.
Collin 14:45
But there are some actions that we can take there that are very practical to because we have to recognize also that we have a business to run even though we might not be feeling well that day we don't be feeling well. So what how do you run your business when you get there? got bad news or when you suffer something chromatic, I think the first practical step, the first step we're talking about here, put your life vest on, the first thing is to seriously take one day at a time that that in and of itself is pretty cliche, cliche, it's almost as cliche as put your life has done take one day at a time. That is the task for that day, get through today. Get through today, get through the day. And recognize that that is that is a huge step. Because when we start thinking about the next days or the future, or it just becomes very overwhelming,
Meghan 15:33
well, then it takes you out of the present moment as well. And you're not able to focus on the here and now and what you need to do. And you may miss some things, because you're so focused on the future, when you really need to be here in the present.
Collin 15:45
That also goes into that another thing here of setting the business, aside from the personal security, trying to create a little bit of space in between where you're growing personally and what the business needs to do to operate it. So really, you're working on this mindset of being in the moment while you are on the visit, while you are out on the walk. Basically, you can tell yourself, I will focus on my grief, I will focus on my pain, my worries, my frustrations, just not right now, just not right now work through 30 minutes at a time and Promise yourself that you will have that dedicated time to address my feelings later. Again, the problem is, as we mentioned earlier, is that later never comes because there's always something to do. Because we're busy business owners, there's always something more demanding our attention. But in this case, we're not shutting it out with that, we are not doing that we are dedicating a promised time on the calendar. So get an accountability partner, if this is hard for you get an alarm systems get timer set up to keep that time for you. So that you don't keep pushing it away more and more.
Meghan 16:54
It can be hard to compartmentalize things, but trust that you will get the work done that needs to get done that day. It may not be everything, but that's okay. And it may feel like you ought to do more, you need to do more. But recognize that for a season, you can only do so much you only have instead of 100% You need to operate at 80% Just for a time. It's not a weakness, it's greatness to know your limits and to work within them for a time, which is why you're probably going to have to start saying no to some things, it will free up your time immediately when you start saying no, you will say no, I cannot take on that extra meeting today. But yes, I can take time for myself be by myself process these feelings that I'm feeling so that I can know that it's going to be okay,
17:45
yeah, you'll probably take an income hit again for a time. But you cannot risk burning out completely and losing everything. It's okay to press pause for a time for a season in your life and in your business autopilot is not a bad thing. It's, it's okay to set on autopilot for a little bit. Especially when you're doing healing work and taking care of yourself. Maybe you lost a parent, and you need to take some time to six months or how however long. So for a season, you have to take your foot off the pedal for your for your business of your pushing for full ahead for a great 2023. And you had all these plans, all these marketing initiatives, all these things that you were going to do recognize it's okay to take your foot off of that and heal and be okay.
Meghan 18:32
As long as that when you're on autopilot, you are still present in the moment are things because you don't want things to go by the wayside. Or you start to forget things that you used to do that are really important for the business,
Collin 18:43
which is where that community comes in, which is where having that tight group of people around you to support and see and catch those things and take some of those burdens on is so critical in moments like this. It's in those moments where we want to lean away from people where we really need to be leaning in the most.
Meghan 19:00
Because when you start to isolate yourself, you feel oh, I am alone. There's nobody reaching out to me. I don't have any community. I don't have any friends. And why like what is the purpose and all of that. So you can really start to question those things and lead your mental health down a really dark road.
Collin 19:19
So not only leaning into other people but leaning into what fills you. It could be some business aspects if you really enjoy posting on social media, lean into that allow yourself to take pleasure in that maybe it's personally you want to take up you know, painting, reading, knitting, whatever cutting the grass, whatever doing doing things like that, find basically find a healthy hobby and allow yourself give yourself permission to enjoy that time doing that. It's not escapism here. We're not trying to run away from these feelings. What we're doing here is we are recognizing that you have other parts of the whole self that must be filled to continue to have a healthy mental state.
Meghan 20:05
It's hard though, because we can feel guilty for enjoying something when you know you have other things to do or things that are pressing on your schedule. But take that guilt and turn it into gratitude. Instead, say, in spite of everything going on, I can still enjoy this. Despite something going on in my business, I can still enjoy this hobby, or in
Collin 20:26
spite of everything going on in my personal life, I can still enjoy this and help heal myself. If you got that cancer diagnosis. If you lost somebody, if you're struggling with friendships or other things like that, you are still allowed to enjoy things in this world that is perfectly okay. And knowing
Meghan 20:45
that you control your feelings as well, you may be super upset or super sad about something but knowing in this moment, I can choose a different feeling. Mental
Collin 20:53
health is obviously a huge part of this industry. It drives a lot of what we talk about how we structure our businesses, the things that we do when we hire when we fire when we take on clients. When we structure our services. It is all driven by making sure that our business works for us and it is feeling feeding us and that we can do this for the long run. So we don't suffer from burnout and compassion fatigue, and that we don't feel like we are regretting decisions in that.
Meghan 21:21
So whether you are doing really great right now or you are starting to struggle, get connected with somebody else. So you can either get help or give help,
Collin 21:30
because it takes a community to get through this life and our business. And the more that we recognize that the more we start lifting other people up, that's what it's all about.
Meghan 21:39
Thank you for listening today. We hope that you are doing okay and if you are not we are here to help have a listening ear. Whatever you need, you can give us a call at 636-364-8260 Or if you prefer email or social media, we are at Pet Sitter confessional. Thank you also to our sponsor, pet sitters associates and our Patreon members for supporting the show today. Thank you very much and we will talk with you next time. Bye
